Oh Emma, Oh Kate.

Whoa. 

Hi new readers! My last post about Mommy Shaming got Freshly Pressed by WordPress. My phone was blowing up with notices from all of you for two days straight. It was amazing. I’m still smiling. I’m completely blown by WordPress picking my post – thank you! 

I honestly have to say I’m a little nervous to write now. It’s intimidating to write with an audience. But then again, this audience knows what goes on in the sex cave in the basement. So we’re all friends here, right?

I mostly write for myself. It’s my own way of “scrapbooking” my family. But just because I’m a little nervous doesn’t mean I’ll stop. I give you the latest round of “Oh Emma, Oh Kate”. Emma is six and Kate is three. 

Me: Let’s go pick up Emma from school.

Kate: No. Let’s go to Starbucks.

___________

Kate: I want to wear a swimsuit. (throws swimsuit in my lap)

Me: No, it’s too cold for a swimsuit. Summer is over. There are no pools open.

Kate: But I have a cover up thing!

___________

Me: Nana is coming tomorrow!

Kate: Mom. Stop. Only kids say that.

___________

Kate: Look what I found in daddy’s car!

Me: Cool! It’s a golf ball.

Kate: No. It’s MY ball.

___________

I was making crafts with Kate. She gave me some tape.

Kate: Give me some tape please.

Me: Here, you can do it.

Kate: No. I just a little kid. You do it.

___________

Me: Kate, do you want to sit on Santa’s lap?

Kate: No.

Me: You can tell him what you’d like for Christmas?

Kate: No. I don’t love him.

___________

I was ordering lunch at a drive-thru.

Me: (to speaker) Yes, that will be it.

Kate: UH! AND I WOULD LIKE…UH…ONE TOY. PLEASE.

___________

Kate and I were walking to Emma’s school to pick her up. A group of middle school kids on the track team ran by us. We got towards the end of the line of kids. These kids were out of breath and walking.

Kate: Hey! Why you walking? Hey you! RUN!

__________

I took the girls to get ice cream with their Aunt Jenna. It’s a place where you add your own toppings yourself. We were the only ones in the store so the male teenage employee naturally started watching us.

Kate: I want those balls.

Me: Jenna, did you hear what she said.

Jenna: (laughs)

Kate: Two of them. I want two balls.

Employee: (couldn’t control himself and started laughing)

_________

I was having a dance party with the girls in the living room. I was in my own world, getting down to the music.

Kate: MOM! YOU DON’T DANCE LIKE THAT! MOM!

Me: Yes, I can (dancing)

Kate: That’s how Gage dances! (her neighborhood friend) You don’t dance like Gage! Stop. Mom. Please.

_________

Kate walks into my room.

Me: Kate. Where are your pants?

Kate: Mom. I don’t need pants.

_________

We went to a neighborhood bonfire.

Emma: Don’t touch the fire, everyone. You will die.

_________

Scott took the girls to his hunting grounds. They wanted to help him do whatever it is that he does out there. They came back a couple hours later.

Me: Kate! Did you shoot a deer with daddy?

Kate: HA! Mom. We just laid some corns.

_________

At my parents house with my brother, Jon, and his dog, Claire.

Kate: (to Jon) Whenever we come over Claire is like AHHHHHHHHH! (screaming and shaking her hair all around)

Jon: I know Claire is…

Kate: AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! (now screaming and running in circles)

_________

Kate and Emma were eating at my parents table with Jon and Claire. Claire barks.

Kate: Tell Claire to stop.

Emma: She won’t listen.

Kate: (leans over her chair and puts her face in Claire’s face) MEEEEOOOOWWWWWWWW!

Kate: (looks at Emma) There, I told her.

_________

Me: Hey Kate, will you bring me my phone?

Kate: No. I not a great helper.

_________

I was leaving the gym with Kate. It was a cold day but inside the car was warm because it was sunny.

Kate: I like daddy’s car. Makes me warm.